I Have A Story For You

I had been debating on whether or not to post this, but back in the day, I used to post all sorts of comments & deep thoughts & ideas & shallow thoughts & frustrations ... & now that I've gone private, I don't think anyone reads this anymore (besides, blogs are a thing of the past now with Pinterest) & for those of you who do read this, you're all friends, right?

A month before Shad & I went on our cruise, we decided to attempt to lose a few lbs for the trip. A friend of ours is a coach for Medifast (a weight loss program). They mail you your food for 5 weeks & you can have 5 of their meals each day & one 'lean & green' (lean meat & veggie) every day. We both followed it religiously for 2.5 weeks (splitting the 5 weeks of meals) & we both hit our target goals. Yahoo!

Well, after the cruise I had put on 3lbs again, but remained faithful to the Medifast concept: 6 meals a day. Low carb, high protein, 100-calorie meals & a 'lean & green'. I managed to lose the 3lbs I gained & decided after Cashe's birthday that I needed a new project. I wanted to lose the 10lbs I have always wanted to lose since before I was ever pregnant. It may not even be attainable because I'm at a healhty weight, but why not try? And why not try while doing it a healthy way?

So, I ordered 5 weeks of food for myself & I started on November 5th, the day after Cashe's birthday. This time it wasn't as lovely.

First of all, it's a lot harder when you're dieting alone. Yes, Shad travels enough that I am able to stay focused, but weekends are certainly tough & I'm dreading Thanksgiving. I can power through though.

More importantly, I started having stomach issues. I never had stomach issues in August. I did just fine. This time, my tummy is rumblin' & tumblin' almost all day, after every meal & praise the Lord Shad wasn't home because he would've left me (or died) because of all the gas I had.

Thankfully this all subsided now that I'm into day 12 & my body is adjusting (I guess). But heaven forbid I make it through that first week without a story for you.

So, I'm on my usual Tuesday conference call with one of the girls I work with who is training me (& only me) on a program she's put together that I will be using. I'm sitting in the office curled up in the office chair as usual, sipping some tea when all of a sudden, my stomach starts grumbling like Harry (Jeff Daniels) from Dumb & Dumber after Lloyd spikes his coffee with laxatives.

Mind you, I am on mute (thank Heavens), but I have to continue watching my computer screen because she's walking through things (without allowing me a word in edgewise) & every so often asking, "does this make sense?" or "do you have any questions?" There is no running to the bathroom just in case. With my luck, I'd be asked a specific question while I was on the toilet.

I do my best to just sit in my chair & ignore my stomach, but it gets to the point where I am starting to sweat (yes, like on Bridesmaids) & I'm starting to panic & ... before I know it, I'm about to be the bride in the street who just pooped herself, except I'm the girl who's thankfully in her own home, but stuck on a call for work & unable to excuse herself.

And what happens?

Uh huh, the worst. Well, not the worst-worst. I didn't ruin anything, but I had to stand up & seal my shorts shut (just in case) & do my best to struggle through the remainder of the call. AND TAKE NOTES.

Shoot me.

Finally the hour is up & my coworker asks me, "Do you have a minute? I have a story for you!"

WHAT?!?! NO! I DON'T HAVE A MINUTE. I haven't had a minute for about 10 minutes now.

BUT, I did what any good coworker would do & I listened to her potty-training-her-dog-story & told her I had to go because I had an appointment.

And I did have an appointment.

... with my shower. Ick. Ick. Ick.

Now that you've wasted all that time reading about CRAP (literally), enjoy your day! Hope you feel better about yourselves & at least got a good laugh.